More Reasons to Hate Chelsea

Last updated : 22 January 2002 By Rick Parker
Can I swear on this page or are kids out there reading this? Sod it. Wankers!

What other words are there to use about this useless bunch that turned out in the claret and blue at the weekend. Answers by email to or go to and use the contact page. (I did say I would throw in a plug or two, Mike.) To get beat by this sort of score line again this season is an absolute disgrace, and by them ponces from the kings Road of all people.

Now I know a lot of you hate the Spurs more, but I live South West of the City in the stockbroker belt of Surrey. (I live there because I've got a lot of stock and I'm broke. Last time I counted my stock I had 33 oxo cubes and 24 chicken ones.) And in this part of the country most of them support Chelsea, and they are, well, read the top line again, I don't want to swear too much.

Another reason I hate Chelsea is because of one Frank Lampard Jnr. This little twat must have thought he'd won the lottery the day his dad and uncle got the sack. “I can't play for a club that's done this to my dad and uncle" boo! hoo! He had been making noises about leaving before, and this was the icing on the cake for him. I thought to myself at the time, apart from Chelsea, what club with cash on the hip would be stupid enough to part with 11 million pounds for a player who will always live in the shadow of a cousin who is always injured.

Imagine my surprise, when the millionaires of West London stumped up the cash. Sorry about that last piece of wrong information, it was Chelsea and not Fulham that bought him. Anyway, back to Sunday's game. Apart from the whole team who were rubbish, and Mr D'Urso who is a West Ham fan apparently.

Obviously he is a Jody (I will kick anyone as long as my mates are around to back me up) Morris fan as well. I blame Glenn Roeder for this fiasco. First 45 we where under the cosh, and although the defence held up well, with no outlet up front it was only a matter of time before we conceded. Surely Roeder must have seen this. (I did and I was watching it half pissed lying on the sofa at home.)

When the second goal went in straight after the break surely then was the time to act. Now as much as we love DiCanio, when he is having a stinker he has a real stinker, and this was one of those occasions. Why didn't Roeder have the bottle to pull him off (using a glove of course) and bring on Defoe? Instead he kept waiting and waiting and in the end all it took was a typical bit of skulduggery from Dennis Wise and Lee Bowyer's love child to do the job for him.

At 2 down we weren't going to get back in the game but there is still pride at stake and that was something we seemed to be lacking. We collapsed quicker than Tim Henman would at the Romford all comers' tennis championships. I can't wait for next week because I really believe that we will get some pride back.

For more about next week's game, go to game of the week at (One more to go Mike.) If you thought that this wasn't a full and proper report on this game I would just like to say BOLLOCKS. I am not a proper reporter. If you want the real deal buy a paper.

If you thought this was a good write up, tell the editor of westhammersfc you want more of my articles and he should pay me or register at my website which is Hope to have a great report for you next week. (I promise I won't plug my website any more.)